Michael Jackson 1958-2009

I always counted myself as a Michael Jackson fan. Nothing too extreme. I didn’t have any collectibles, never went to a concert, not even a concert performed by an impersonator. Nevertheless, I was in awe of his many talents.

When I first heard he was hospitalized I logged onto TMZ (don’t judge, Harvey’s a lawyer). I was worried but glad to see he was at the hospital. Not even a few minutes later it was being said he had passed. I googled like crazy. I couldn’t believe it. Then I logged onto CNN.

:( It was true. MJ had passed. I was in disbelief. He was so young! Middle age was 25, 25! My heart still aches for the babies he leaves behind.

We’re adults. We understand that death is part of life but not them. They’re too young to have to process something so heavy as death.

On my way to pick up Cameron I turned on the radio. Listening to song after song, callers sharing their own stories & realize my own I began to cry. He was truly an icon & I’m glad he gave us hope, joy & inspiration through his music.

~ Captain EO. I rocked that t-shirt.

~ Watching Thriller with Jeremy & pretending not to freak out when he turned into a Werewolf. Then screaming out, “Don’t go in there!!!” as she entered the house.

~ Watching Thriller behind the screens over & over again.

~ His album “Invincible” takes me back to the beginning of my relationship with Paul. He played it on one of our very first dates. It was the very first cd I “borrowed” & quickly claimed as my own.

~ During my pregnancy Paul sang, “The Love You Save” by the Jackson 5 to Cameron. He often kicked while Paul sang.

~ One our last visit to Cali (while I was pregnant) my Nina & Paul sang “The Love You Save” to get Cameron moving. It was so much fun to hear them sing, my Nina clapping along & just feel the love through music. We all cried. It was a wonderful moment.

Thank you Michael. I hope there’s more moments where we remember the good you’ve done in the short time you were here.

The Love You Save

The Jackson 5

J5: stop! nanana! you’d better save it!

Stop, stop, stop, you’d better save it!

Michael: when we played tag in grade school

You wanted to be it.

But chasing boys was just a fad

You crossed your heart you’d quit.

When we grew up you traded

Your promise for my ring

Now just like back to grade school

You’re doing the same old thing!

Chorus:Stop! the love you save may be your own!

Darling, take it slow

Or someday you’ll be all alone.

You’d better stop the love you save may be your own!

Darling, look both ways before you cross me

You’re headed for the danger zone.

Michael: I’m the one who loves you!

I’m the one you need!

Jermaine: those other guys will put you down

As soon as they succeed!

Michael: they’ll ruin your reputation!

They’ll label you a flirt!

Jermaine: the way they talk about you

They’ll turn your name to dirt, oh!

Michael: Isaac said he kissed you

Beneath the apple tree

When benjie held your hand he felt

E-lec-tri-ci-tee!

When alexander called you

He said he rang your chimes.

Christopher discovered

You’re way ahead of your times!

J5: slow down.Slow down.Slow down.Slow down.

Michael:S is for save it

T is for take it slow

O is for oh, no!

P is for please, please, don’t go!

Jermaine: the love you save may be your own...

Michael: some day you may be all alone...

Jermaine: stop it!Michael: save it, girl!

Jermaine: or someday you’ll be all alone.

Michael: you’d better stop! the love you save may be your own!

Jermaine: please, pleaseOr some day, some day baby,

You’ll be all alone

Those other guys will put you down as soon as they succeed.

Michael: stop! the love you save may be your own...

He can't have what?

You have got to be kidding me.

So today was Cameron’s two month check up. For the past week or so I’ve been anxious for this day. I wasn’t sure how he would react to the shots, how I would react to the shots, searched online on what to expect (examines) I even asked friend & made up a list of questions to ask Dr. Chiles. But nothing, nothing could have prepared me for what happened today.
First off, Cameron is wonderfully fine. His head circumference is 39.1 (25% average), 23 ¼ inches long (little above 50%) & 11.5 lbs (50% mr. chunka cheese). He was a bit upset when they injected the first shot but he cried the most 20 mins into the appt when hunger stroke. Again, adorable, growing, perfect, chunka cheese, my love.

First we met with Dr. Chiles who assessed Cameron & answered my very few, itty bitty questions. Then he stared going over the vaccines Cameron would receive that day. Dtap (Diptheria, Tetanus & Acellular Petussis), Hepatitis B which included HIB (haemophilus Influenza Type B) & IPV (inactivated Polio Vaccine). Then he began to disclose that “routinely” they would also administer Prevnar (Pneumococcal 7-Valent Conjugate Vaccine) & Rotavirus (live oral vaccine) however due to the rising cost of these vaccines insurance companies were no longer covering the cost & the supply is limited so the only patient that is being offered are government assisted patients. He would advise parents to take their children to clinics to recieve the two but they haven't been available since Dec. '08.

What.the.fuck.

I know Medical is beyond distorted right now. That’s one of the many reasons that American (including myself) voted for President Obama in hopes of a brighter future for not only ourselves but our children. But I had no idea, no idea, how nearly next to impossible it is to receive medical insurance regardless whether you pay for it (monthly) or not.

After I delivered Cameron, Paul & I went into a whirlwind of questions of how we would chose insurance. Sure, you’re probably thinking “wouldn’t you have this completed before having the baby?” but please keep in mind, Cameron was due January 14th & born December 27th. SURPRISE!

Thankfully the hospital sent in a kind staff member who helped us apply for DES. At the time we didn’t quite understand or listen correctly. We were informed Access is a form of insurance for children only. The amount paid per month varied because they went off of your income.
Which turns out is a bunch of b.s. DES is a government aided program for lower incomed familes. Which is great. That’s fantastic for people who truly, honestly need help. We however are not a lower income family which of course meant that we were not approved. We were also not approved for food stamps or W.I.C. (wtf?! She did not tell us we were applying for that either). I would also like to add that the reason I found out we were denied, I called their main office to see the status on our application (which we were suppose to receive a week prior) because I was concerned that Cameron was sick. They then informed me we were denied (uh thanks) & they forwarded our information to Access. I was told to contact Access, explain that my child was sick so they would “speed” up the paper work.

I called Access only to find out that:
1. They never received our paperwork.

2. We made too much.

3. Cameron would have to go 3 months (What.the.fuck) 3 months without insurance before they would even review our paperwork.

For the first 30 days my insurance covered Cameron. What a wonderful blessing for us. We were able to go straight to Dr. Chiles office for an immediate follow up visit days after he was born & he was able to get his One month check up. Well, that was a huge DENIED stamp in the eyes of ACCESS. The Customer service rep that I was on the phone with explained that if I applied for Access while I was pregnant I would have been automatically approved (how or why is beyond me). So I asked word for word, “so if I would have taken advantage of the system , dropped my insurance even though I could afford it…..my son would have medical insurance today.”

Yes.

She answered yes.

WHAT.THE.FUCK.

I cried. I couldn’t talk to her because all I heard was my baby didn’t have insurance. He was sick & I didn’t know what to do. I went online that day & started searching for medical coverage. The monthly payments were insane. INSANE! We couldn’t add him to our policy because our monthly went up almost $400 & it didn’t look too much better elsewhere. Then we found a plan that we “kinda” like & thought hey we’ll just use this one until we can find another. Not only did we not love the plan but it wouldn’t start until 30 days after our application. Oh my god, this was a nightmare. I finally found HumanOne. Their coverage was perfect, affordable & it had Dr. Chiles in their network. The cherry on top was they would start his insurance after his 2 month check up. WOO HOO! This might sound ludicrous to those who don’t have to go through this bullshit but it was like angels singing. My baby was getting insurance!

I ended up taking him to the Dr. when I suspected he was sick (ended up having a cold that cleared up a few days after our appt). We just had to pay out of pocket. Which didn’t turn out so bad considering the bill was $45 & our co-pay is $35 (sick, I know).

Since day one we’ve had nothing but trouble with insurance. So to be in the dr.’s office & hear him say my child would not receive two vaccines I panicked. No. There’s no way he’s going without. I’ve been through too much shit trying to find insurance & going through hell when he was sick & not knowing where to take him to get checked. To much shit, this was not happening. My head was spinning as he went over why we weren’t getting the vaccines & I just interrupted mid-sentence “we’re paying ourselves, we don’t have insurance, we’re paying ourselves. Does that mean we can get it?”

It did mean we could get them. All at once I was relieved & felt sick to my stomach. What the hell was going on? What about the other children with insurance? They’re not getting the vaccines. What’s going to happen with them? I mean, they give out these vaccines for a reason. There’s a disease, a preventative is found & administered to avoid disease. It all felt like a movie.

I Am Legend.

I cried when the people who were “denied” screamed for mercy after being scanned as “contaminated”.

Now, I am one of those screaming people.