Where are you Christmas?

I literally heard this song for the first time the other day.....& cried.

It may not have been the first time I heard the song but it definitely hit home. I've known since October that we wouldn't be able to drive out to Cali for the holidays. I guess in the back of my mind I thought family would drive out to us but in reality that would be insane. So here we are, 8 days away from Christmas & not only did we leave our decorations in Paul’s car (which is currently in Cali) but along w/all the decorations we left behind our stockings. :( As pathetic as these little things may seem they sure do take a toll.

Thankfully the holiday spirit finally got a hold of me, shook me like a rag doll until I realized how truly blessed I am.

My family & friends are healthy.

We have a warm home to go to.

My brother is on leave & home for the holidays.

My dogs give the best "welcome home!!! where the heck have you been?! did you know I can do this *dances in the air, throws toy across the living room, runs from one room to the next?!!!!!* reaction that anyone could ask for.

We have a stable job. Yes, our hours have been cut but it can always be worse.

& the best part of all? This time next year we'll be celebrating with Cameron.

Yes, that last thought should always come to mind when I'm feeling down but I'm human & I have my weak moments.

For the past couple of years Paul & I have gone to see the infamous Christmas display in Rancho Cucamonga with my two younger cousins, Kira & Jacob. This would be the first year w/out seeing these two faces Ooo & drool over every hot chocolate, churro, tamale, blinking santa sold at every other house.

We were always mistaken for their parents but we are far luckier than my aunt & uncle. We spoiled them rotten, dropped them off w/a sugar high & at the end of the night we’re the good guys. ;)

So this year we went to Tempe Lake to see a boat show. It was fun to see how people decorated their boats & even some canoes with Christmas lights. But what really caught my attention were the children. They were having so much fun. It was truly bittersweet. I caught myself wishing Kira & Jacob could have been there but knowing that's going to be my little Cameron next year made me smile.

Since I found out I was pregnant I've been writing in a journal for Cameron. A few days after Thanksgiving I wrote that the complex we’re staying at put a flyer on our door asking for toy donations for their Toy for Tots drive. I thought that this would be a nice tradition to start & in the following years Cameron can chose the gift to give him a better understanding of the true meaning of Christmas. So this year we picked out a Littlest Pet Shop……thing. I don’t know much about the “rooms” or editions. I just know Paul’s niece loves them so I figured we couldn’t go wrong. Even though it was nice to participate I would have liked to know who the toy went to. Hopefully whoever she is enjoys her little pets.

Then after work last night we went to the local mall. Weird how we haven’t been to a mall since moving out here (a crime I tell ya). On a quest for new shoes for Mr. Paul we passed by a booth for The Salvation Army. Beside the booth were two Christmas trees adorned with tags labeled Christmas Angels. Each tag had a childs name, age, sex, clothing sizes & a short list of toys they’d like to receive. I can’t remember my age but when I was younger my mom use to receive assistance from the Salvation Army. Mainly for food but I couldn’t help reliving those moments we would drive down to pick up our boxes of donated food. As odd as it may seem I don’t know the last time I thought about those times.

I knew I wanted to pick a name. The people who donated to our family didn’t know us. Without those giving hearts who knows what we would have done for Thanksgiving dinner or dinner of any kind for that matter.

It didn’t take much but reading aloud a child & their wants to Paul before he was on board too. Since we already gave a toy that was girl appropriate we decided we would search for a boy. I wouldn’t be surprised if we were there for over an hour. It was really overwhelming reading each card & trying to decide who we would pick. I mean really? Who are we to say that this child is more in need than the next? I don’t’ know why but every once in awhile we would read a list out loud & either laugh (they’re so darn cute) or say aww (ok the aww was more me but Paul would politely smile). After our long search Paul finally found our boy. He’s a 9 year old boy named Manuel. His list of toy wants included race car or Lego’s, or other building toys or games.

He had me at Lego’s.

My cousin use to have this travel case full of Lego’s & whenever I would go down to visit I made a bee line straight to the case. I built for hours & I don’t know if my mom couldn’t afford Lego’s or because my brothers were so much younger & might choke on them but I never got Lego’s. The appreciation for them went farther than playing with my cousins. K-mart at the time had a Lego’s play station where the parents left their kids to build while they shopped. Needless to say shopping at K-mart was a huge highlight of my childhood. Not only because of the Lego’s but because I always went with my grandma.

Since we left with the “ornament” I catch myself thinking about Manuel & wondering what he looks like. How does he dress? Would he want a sweater too? A new pair of jeans? I mean toys are a must but what about a tee saying “I love legos!” hee hee ok that may be a bit too much.

Times are hard right now. Paul & I have been bargain shopping & even gave each other a budget this year. But we didn’t hesitate to do with out or stretch our dollars even further for this little boy.

Even though the pamphlets state that “you’re an angel to these children” Manuel is truly my angel. Thank you Manuel for bringing the true meaning of Christmas back into my heart & thank you to the Salvation Army for giving me the opportunity to bring Christmas into Manuel’s home. We look forward to searching for a name again next year with Cameron. :)